How ‘Rich’: Johnny Depp Is Dating His Lawyer

Few things are more sobering than the realization that an alleged domestic abuser—one who was accused of raping his ex-wife with a liquor bottle and who, according to court documents, suffers from chronic erectile dysfunction—is living better than you. I simply can no longer cope with the fact that this hellscape we call life has allowed Johnny Depp to not only secure several new streams of income, but wrangle himself a new love interest in the process.

On Thursday, Us Weekly reported the actor-cum-musician-cum-artist has been quietly seeing one of his attorneys. No, not Camille Vasquez, though that would seem an obvious pairing, given that she can’t seem to stop talking about him. Depp has found “the real deal” in Joelle Rich, the lawyer who represented him in his 2020 defamation lawsuit against The Sun—you know, the one that he lost.

“Their chemistry is off the charts,” an unnamed insider exclusively told the magazine of the reported romance. “It’s serious between them.”

So serious, in fact, that it doesn’t matter that Rich, who reportedly first met Mr. Jack Sparrow when she was married, is currently in the middle of a divorce. It’s not known when their courtship began, though it’s been noted that Rich, while not a member of his legal team in the second defamation suit, was present in the courtroom.

“There was no professional obligation for her being there. It was personal,” the source revealed to Us, adding that the duo “discreetly” rendezvoused in hotels at the beginning of their courtship. But, despite the source’s claims that Depp and Rich’s relationship is “serious,” a different insider sang People a different tune. “They are dating but it’s not serious,” they said. Either way, the point here is: Depp, a deeply questionable individual on a good day, is empowered to do the most with his one wild and “ruined life.”

Now, if you’re thinking Vasquez needs a wellness check in the wake of this news, don’t worry! She’s long denied any impropriety between her and Depp: “I guess it comes with the territory of being a woman just doing her job,” she told People. “It’s disappointing that certain outlets kind of ran with it or said that my interactions with Johnny—who is a friend and I’ve known and represented for four-and-a-half years now — that my interactions in any way were inappropriate or unprofessional.”

But apparently, Depp dating one of his lawyers wasn’t entirely out of the question. After all, who says a woman can’t do her job—represent alleged abusers—and date them too? We really can have it all.