The so-called mental load, famously the subject of a viral comic about the domestic to-do list managed almost exclusively by women, is now the inspiration for a new app. Labor of Love aims to make women feel appreciated for their unseen or unrecognized household multitasking while giving male partners a tool to take on much more of that work.
The idea for Labor of Love came to Bob Ford after one too many arguments with his wife over domestic chores and tasks. After years of taking for granted his wife's ability to run their household smoothly, he suddenly realized that her demanding new job as a lawyer meant chores didn't magically get done like they once did.
For her part, Catalina Ford recalls the frustration of starting that new position while trying to perform the same household responsibilities. Even when she began delegating to her husband, the list management still fell to her. Cue the fighting.
"It’s kind of a challenge that I really felt like didn’t have a good solution, at least in the past," says Bob. "It seems like kind of the norm is just to argue about this stuff. I thought maybe I could think of a better way to do things."
The Fords, who have a 10-year-old son, have been using Labor of Love for the last several months. Both say it has dramatically improved their communication by making visible the tasks that once happened "behind the scenes."
The app, which is available only at the Apple store for now, functions as a to-do list. While there are no shortage of digital tools that promise to organize your domestic life, the twist of Labor of Love is that users can attach points to each task.
The goal is to earn a certain number of points that can be redeemed for a designated reward; the app's max is 100 points. The Fords typically assign tasks a value of zero to five points, though that number might go up if the chore is urgent or high-stakes (think filing taxes or dealing with a child's school paperwork). Bob likes the classic date night reward. Right now, Catalina's reward is a pair of new shoes.
When a couple shares the same list, they work toward individual rewards. Some might even like the idea of turning their to-do list into a friendly competition over which partner can earn the most points.
Catalina says that approach has paid off in her household.
"Not only does [Bob] pitch in more and do the tasks I’ve added, he’s taken the initiative to add things that he’s noticed need to get done," she wrote in an email. "We’re both pretty competitive, so the points and rewards system definitely help in that respect as well!"
While the app isn't designed to make household labor equal in a relationship, it is meant to draw attention to the domestic workload that tends to burden women and mothers while their male partners enjoy blissful ignorance about what's required to run a household.
Bob says growing up with a stay-at-home-mother and a working father who didn't concern himself with household duties meant he had no reference point or model for splitting up such work in a more egalitarian way.
"You never feel a pressure to look at these things."
"You never feel a pressure to look at these things," he says. "Also, besides that, there’s a bit of a selfishness involved in it. You think what you’re doing is very, very important, so you don’t think about what other people are doing."
Labor of Love instead encourages men to notice and appreciate the work their female partners do — and to do more of it unasked. Bob's hope is that men go beyond conversations in which they promise to help more and then fall short; he's looking for real, consistent behavior change over the long haul.
Whether an app can trigger that transformation is a hard question to answer. People's phones are littered with apps downloaded with good intentions only to be forgotten after a week's use. If a guy really doesn't want to contribute to running a household, or doesn't think that's his role, an app probably won't change that.
Users should also temper their expectations based on what the product actually offers. The free version of Love of Labor is pretty barebones, consisting of task lists, a reward status, and a notifications tab. The premium upgrade, available for $3.99 per month or $29.99 per year, is ad-free, offers an alarm setting for tasks, and makes it possible to share membership with up to five other users, a useful feature for adding older children to your to-do list.
Bob says his business model is based on revenue generated through pop-up ads and premium membership fees. The app doesn't permanently store user data, and Bob has no intention or plan to sell customer information, including about the type and frequency of household chores, to third parties.
Some might say an app like this just makes the problem of the mental load even more personal and private, instead of a public problem we should tackle together by changing attitudes, politics, and workplace policies that currently value men as breadwinners. Policies like these leave women little choice but to continue juggling both work and household obligations.
And yet, couples in the throes of figuring out those complex dynamics need — nay, deserve — some practical relief from that conflict. Even better if such a tool doesn't play into the sexist stereotype of the nagging wife or girlfriend, which Labor of Love attempts to avoid by giving each person a stake in how and when things get done.
Since they started using the app, Catalina has noticed she's felt less stressed out.
"The burden of making sure we have milk for breakfast in the morning or the laundry is clean doesn’t fall solely to me," she said. "And though they’re small tasks, the [peace] of mind that comes with knowing that we can lean on each other is priceless."
Surely countless women would feel the same.
Topics Apps & Software Social Good
