Donald Trump’s Mood Reportedly Plays a Role in How Blonde He Is

It’s a bad day when I consume some piece of news that confirms I have more in common with soon-to-be Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump than perhaps anyone else in politics. We both thoroughly enjoy Diet Coke, Broadway music, ordering in bulk from McDonalds, and objectifying men. Now, I’ve just learned we share something else: apparently, his hair color changes depending on his mood. Sad!

This week, a Page Six exclusive revealed that Trump’s signature coif—something akin to candy floss piled atop his crepey scalp—has become a lot more orange of late. If it sounds like he’s going through some sort of phase, you might just be right. According to an insider, he’s been a little impatient for the last few dye jobs.

“The hairdressers get mad at him, but can’t show it, as Trump can’t sit still as he needs at least to sit still for at least 30 minutes for [his hair color] to take,” the source told the tabloid. “Trump’s hair color can vary wildly from dark blonde to light—to bright orange—depending on how long his hairdresser can get him to sit still and let the color do its job.” He’s just like me, for real.

Friends of the former president—who exactly those are at this point is anyone’s best guess—say he’s so antsy that he’ll only offer up 30 to 45 minutes of his time. Clearly, he doesn’t have a stylist he enjoys gossiping with. I, at least, have that. “The shorter time he gives them, the more orange his hair gets, as it takes time to get the darker blonde locks he associates with his younger years,” the source said.

Just as the race for president ramps up, Trump is reportedly trying to evoke the younger, fresher self whom he’s absolutely never been. His diet, as previously reported, has changed as has his wardrobe: “From new pastel-colored ties—instead of the same solid red tie he’s made famous—to slimmer cut suits to replacing the boxy style of the past to better show off his weight loss.”

His hair, however, is one of the more crucial aspects of his campaign for president: “The makeover is intended to modernize and make his image more youthful as a contrast to grey [President] Biden, and to attract younger voters. His team wants a visual change of his image to show he’s different and not just the same Trump of 2016.”

Visual change, huh? I think I get it. Why have an aging, grey-haired infirm when you can have an aging, bright orange-haired infirm? Big difference. Huge.