Dick appointment makeup tutorials are the only good beauty guru niche left

Dick appointment makeup tutorials are the only good thing left from beauty YouTube.

As cuffing season picks up, people are bound to schedule a quick dick appointment. But how do you make sure your makeup stays flawless through the hook up, and be reminded to have safe, consensual sex? Beauty guru YouTube is here for you.

The term "dick appointment" is self-explanatory; Urban Dictionary defines it as "to set up an appointment to have sex with a man." A second entry clarifies that "no feelings are involved" in the interaction. Unlike a drunk one night stand you bring home from a party or a late night "u up?" text, a dick appointment is often premeditated — which gives the appointee some time to actually prepare for it.

Your every day makeup won't stay in place during a good romp in bed. As vlogger Sophie Dolan joked in her video, "Do you really want to put on that foundation? No!"

The incredibly helpful niche gained popularity with the general internet population when misogynist manbaby Roosh V complained that "YouTube is handing out strikes to right-wing creators like Halloween candy while 'Dick appointment makeup tutorial' closes in on 1 million views."

Instead of sparking outrage, his tweet inspired support for dick appointment makeup tutorials.

Tweet may have been deleted

Primers or baking? Falsies or mascara? Lip gloss or lip tint? What do you even wear to a dick appointment?

Despite Roosh's attempt at undermining the beauty gurus behind the videos, dick appointment makeup tutorials are freaking helpful. Between eggplant jokes and sex positivity, the videos offer useful advice to cement a look that'll survive any activity.

It's not like the straight men scheduling the appointment will even notice what you're wearing — if anything, he'll probably wash his face with bar soap, put on deodorant, and think he's good to go. Whatever. As the YouTubers behind the tutorials concur, you're not applying a a full face for him, you're doing it for you.

"Your man probably can't even tell what look you're doing," guru Sarah Cheung said in an interview with Dazed Digital. "But he'll be able to tell if you're feeling yourself in the bedroom."

They offer tips like what lipstick to wear — if you choose to wear lipstick at all. The YouTubers who do recommend lipstick agree on a liquid to matte color that'll probably last longer than the fling itself.

Like a friend offering backup lip gloss in a bar's bathroom, YouTuber bongsandtattoos casually chats with her audience: "We need something that isn't gonna come off during that makeout session, girl. It's gonna last all night long through your fuckboi session."

Lezzy, another vlogger, has a more humorous reason you'd want to stick to liquid lipstick.

"If you're a side chick, you definitely have to wear a liquid lipstick that will not come off," Lezzy says in her tutorial. "But you're gonna wanna wear something that won't come off because if you get that guy in trouble no more for you!"

Then she makes the classic hand motion for getting dicked.

Crass jokes are all over dick appointment YouTube, but so are discussions about consent and safe sex. Casual hook ups and no-strings-attached flings aren't treated as a taboo or novelty on dick appointment YouTube, but as a fact of life. While waiting for their foundation to finish baking or their hairspray to set, the vloggers nonchalantly deliberate the nuances of sex.

"I really liked how she emphasized that she wasn't a freak," ShadeyBangs tells her viewers in a one-sided conversation about the Netflix series She's Gotta Have It. "Society sees people who have many sexual partners as promiscuous ... But some people just don't want titles. They just want sex. And they do so in a safe environment, and respect is still there."

She continues, telling her viewers that she wants to be "open" about sexuality, consent, and healthy relationships on her channel. While brushing on bronzer for a sun-kissed contoured glow, ShadeyBangs discusses the empowerment behind saying "no."

"I say it with confidence, I say it with penache!" she rants, unblended concealer still dotting her cheekbones. "A lot of my female friends, we're coerced in certain situations to do things because we don't want to offend anyone, but then you're compromising on yourself! Say no! Say no, ho!"

Deja Renee shares a similar sentiment in her dick appointment prep video, where she reminds her viewers of the importance of using protection.

"You wanna make sure you wear condoms because there's people out here who will try to set you up on purpose," Deja Renee says while skillfully filling in her brows. "They don't wear one, and they know they have something, and they wanna give it to you."

One brow done, she emphasizes that birth control protects against pregnancy, but not against sexually transmitted diseases.

"Make sure you know what no means," she explains while filling in the other brow. "Especially if it's a casual thing."

The dick appointment YouTube niche is more than just a platform for endorsing promiscuity through tutorials — it's a genuine community for people to educate their viewers. And after the mess of Dramageddon tore the circle of makeup vloggers apart, it's one of the last decent pillars of beauty guru YouTube left.

In the dick appointment niche, you won't find the shade and snark that pollutes many of the other beauty tutorials. Instead, you'll learn how to apply eyeliner that will stay throughout the wildest hook up, while also getting the rundown on consent.

Happy cuffing season, everyone. Now go schedule that dick appointment.