Robert Pattinson and I Have The Same Hobby: ‘Fretting’

I think Robert Pattinson and I would really get along. He seems like a total weirdo, but in a great way, as evident by the latest cover story in GQ. Pattinson— who has starred in huge franchises Twilight and Harry Potter before turning into an arthouse darling — decided to return to the mainstream with The Batman. And that means letting his neuroses be aired once again for general public consumption.

The new GQ coverboy really is like every 30-something, just constantly worrying about the future and what he wants his life to look like.

“Here’s Pattinson, not much of a sports fan himself, romanticizing his friends’ soccer fandom: “There’s just something so lovely about having something every single Sunday, where it’s like, This is what I’m doing. Rather than just, when anybody asks me, What are your hobbies? I’m like: Fucking fretting. Worrying about the future.”

Anxiety really doesn’t discriminate. (Pattinson never calls his actions anxiety, preferring to call it fretting — but that’s anxiety, baby!) And you know what, I’m not sure if I trust people who didn’t experience some crippling anxiety over the last two years. We thought the pandemic wouldn’t last that long. Then, well, if it was going to last a while, maybe we’d take this time stuck in quarantine to develop a hobby, like quilting or jazz guitar, because the stay-busy industrial complex demands that we fill up our time with something useful and interesting. Instead, we’re approaching one million dead and forced to consider an alarmingly near future in which this planet has become inhabitable to humans. If fretting is a hobby, then yes, I definitely developed a hobby in the pandemic.

Pattinson most famously played a brooding vampire in the Twilight series who must face down a future that he will have to experience literally all of, as, you know, vampires don’t die. He notoriously hated the role of Edward Cullen and the franchise in general — but perhaps he has more in common with hot undead Eddie than he realizes! Pattinson had originally proposed taking GQ profile writer Daniel Riley to the zoo, because you’re supposed to think of fun activities to do with the reporter writing about you to help beef up their lead anecdote. But after a conversation with his girlfriend, Pattinson panicked about what could go wrong at the zoo. “I just can’t help it,” Pattinson told Riley about his constant gaming out of scenarios. “I’ll do it for every single element, every decision, in my life. What is the worst-case scenario for this decision?”

He continued: “I’m constantly doing risk assessments, which drives everybody crazy, trying to predict every single element that could possibly happen. And then, at the end of it, just being like: Ah, fuck it! I’ll just play a lighthouse keeper who fucks a mermaid! I think this is the right move!”

My guy, these are the the actions of an anxiety disorder. These behaviors are an attempt to control the uncontrollable. I know because I do it! And I didn’t even have paparazzi grossly invading my life for years and years. I think we’re both due for a hug.