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Stop Using the Words 'At Least' to Comfort


When someone confides in you—about anything from truly awful to just an average shitty day—the next words out of your mouth should never, ever be: “At least...”

Whatever comes after “At least...” is minimizing at best and offensive at worst.

I’ve got such a bad cold. At least it’s not the flu.

I lost my job today. At least you get to have a break from working.

I had a miscarriage. At least you know you can get pregnant.

Most people who use “At least...” to try to comfort are well-meaning. They think they’re being helpful by pointing out the “bright side.” But people in pain do not want to see the bright side; they want to feel heard and understood.

“At least” might be a sympathetic thing to say, but it’s not empathetic. The difference is substantial, according to Brené Brown, a research professor who has studied courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. She explains it so well here in this animated short:

Focus on connecting with the person who is confiding, Brown says. If you don’t know what to say, she suggests this: “I don’t even know what to say right now, I’m just so glad you told me.”

Another classic that never goes out of style: “I’m so sorry.”


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