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By my count, 42 high-profile individuals have left the White House, most in a huff.

And that’s not counting Omarosa.

 

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Whether they were fired or they resigned, the outcome is the same with Trump finally landing on a metric where he can claim the No. 1 spot — senior staff turnover in the White House.

Gary Cohn, the top economic adviser said “no mas” last week.

Hope Hicks a few weeks ago.

Steve Bannon (yes, he still counts).

Reince Priebus who got kicked to the curb when John Kelly took over as chief of staff.

Don’t forget the Mooch, a.k.a., Anthony Scaramucci, who survived 10 days before a story in The New Yorker showcasing his “command” of the English language pointed him to the door.

Sally Yates, the U.S. attorney general who couldn’t get on board with Trump’s illegal immigration ban.

And the list goes on and on.

I’m thinking that writing the news releases on all of the resignations must consume an inordinate amount of time from the White House communications team when they could be working on much more important things like digging up dirt on the governor of Puerto Rico and photoshopping more people into his inauguration photos.

As a public service, I have created a news release template that the White House can use to announce resignations going forward. Just drop in the name/role, and voilà, you’re done.

 

 

(headline)

___________________ Resigns from White House.

 

___________ who oversaw ____________, offered her/his resignation to President Trump today.

The President and the American people appreciate __________’s contribution.

President Trump warmly thanked ___________ for her/his service saying: “There’s no question in my mind that _____________ is a wonderful human being. Let me say wonderful with an exclamation mark. But this job is tough. The American people expect nothing but the best. _______ will do fine in his/her next job. And we’ll continue with our mission of making America great again. I mean, we’ve already made America great in just one year. We’re going to make America greater.”

The Trump-led administration continues to establish new records and unparalleled advancements.

  • The economy. Doing great.
  • Job creation. Lots of them
  • Twitter followers: 48.7M. No previous president can touch this number.
  • Crime: Declining
  • Education: Sales of chalk are up.
  • American unity (Lincoln would be proud)
  • Cap’n Crunch: The cupboard is full.
  • Race with China: We’re winning.

Numerous extraordinary candidates have applied for the role of overseeing ______________.

“Naturally, I’m pleased to see that millions of people want to work under me and serve the American people,” said President Trump. “After a thorough evaluation, I will make a decision.” 

 

I suppose I should write a second news template to announce the newcomer joining the White House.

On a second thought, I’ll leave that to Mr. Trump.

Those tweets don’t take long to write.

Side note: For a more clinical look at the turnover in the Trump White House, check out the Brookings Institution’s piece, “Why is Trump’s staff turnover higher than the 5 most recent presidents?”

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