The Final Countdown

As you can probably tell from the title, my religious exemption was

DENIED.

Am I surprised? No, not at all, but I am disappointed.

Come to find out, there were approximately 2000 submissions, (which to be honest, I feel like is high, but maybe that’s right) and only two, TWO, were accepted.

Okay fine, what’s my back up plan. I would agree to weekly testing. How long can that go on for, right?

WRONG.

The DICK-tator-in-chief announced he was going to mandate vaccinations for all employers who employed over 100 people, OR be tested. And if they didn’t comply, they would no longer get federal funding for Medicare and Medicaid.

I knew it was over after that announcement. I knew the hospital was done trying to “accommodate” the difficult ones. I suppose the hospital’s patience has worn thin. (To coin a Biden saying, that is).

Not gonna lie, I was really hoping the hospital was using religious exemptions as an olive branch toward the vaccine-hesitant. On one hand, they were saving face by taking a stand on vaccinations thereby appeasing the public, on the other hand, they were giving an out to the vaccine hesitant so they wouldn’t lose a small chunk of people. I knew it wouldn’t have been easy, but it was SOMETHING.

I think I’m more upset by the fact that I allowed myself to hope. To think it might actually work and I would be “allowed” to continue working at the hospital. I guess that shows how naïve I can be, I suppose. This is one of the biggest reasons I’m a realist when it comes to things like this – I would rather approach an issue with a realistic attitude than try and hope for a different outcome. That way, I limit my disappointment. But alas, I didn’t do that this time and I was once again, disappointed.

And that pissed me off. Because quite frankly folks, I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of being tired. I don’t want to worry or feel anxious anymore. I just want to return to normal and when you don’t listen to media, or you’re not in a medical facility, the pandemic really doesn’t exist anymore. The number of cases are going down and thank God, the number of deaths has gone way down, In fact, the Delta variant was contagious but the deaths seemed to be less this second go around. And that’s a good thing!! I think people hear cases and think deaths anytime numbers are mentioned in the media.

In fact, a lot of people think the chances you’ll end up in the hospital after contracting COVID is FAR GREATER than it actually is. The New York Times conducted a survey and here is what they found. (Play the video from Bill Maher).

(Side note: see how Twitter puts a disclaimer on “see the latest COVID-19 information” on this tweet? Because the social media Nazis CAN NOT stand the thought of you actually getting any information other than what they spoon feed you so they have to do what they can to make people who dare to think outside the Matrix that what they’re reading is false and shouldn’t be trusted. I don’t trust anyone and asking questions is how you get to the truth. Suppress questions and debate and what are you left with? A false narrative).

I’m not a member of the New York Times website, (and never will be), but I found the results of this survey on the Washington Examiner’s website. Perception is EVERYTHING.

The point being, the COVID hysteria is real and it’s sad that so many people are living in fear from a disease that has 99% recovery rate for most people.

I’m more afraid of the vaccine than I am of the virus. I just am. Yep, I said it out loud. The data on COVID is simply not as severe as the media is desperate to portray it. The data on the vaccines, however, is far more alarming. Chances are, I would be fine if I were to temporarily lose my mind and get the vaccine. But the point is – NO ONE KNOWS. No one knows what might happen because the damn thing hasn’t been out long enough for experts TO KNOW. I’m just not willing to potentially sacrifice my heath for, “well, we’re pretty confident it works.” And then if something SHOULD happen, no one is liable for pushing it on me.

No thanks.

Look. I just want to live my life. I just want to go about my days and not have to struggle to breath behind a face diaper that is not effective and purely for show and to give people a false sense of security or walk on eggshells because “I’m one of THOSE people.” I want peace.  I’m tired of enduring sly looks and feeling like I’m being left out of conversations because people have unconsciously already written me off. It’s not fun. Like, at all. I know my co-workers are not doing this to be cruel, in fact, I would even say they don’t even realize they are doing it and hell, maybe it’s just my over-active imagination because I’m uber-sensitive about this stuff right now, but all I know is, I’m done. I’m tired. And I. JUST. WANT. PEACE.

So. That’s the biggest reason I turned in my resignation on the 15th.

I played my hand and I lost. The game is over. It’s time to move on.

Do I want to? HELL NO. I’m very bitter that I’m being forced to walk away from people I care about. I’m very bitter that I just spent the last ten years of my life perfecting an industry that I knew ZERO about going in to. I’m very bitter that I don’t get to enjoy the pay raise that the hospital dangled like a golden carrot to try and entice people to stay. I’m very bitter that the industry is tossing people, good people, to the curb after those same people worked their asses off to save the industry when elective surgeries were canceled and the hospital was beginning to wonder how they were going to keep the lights on last year.

Heroes then, vermin now.

It’s sick and twisted how this is working out and everything about this situation pisses me off, but the dice has been rolled and the house won. It’s time to collect my belongings and move on. There is nothing else I can do. Or at least, nothing else I’m willing to do to keep this job. I would like to think everyone has a line, some THING that they will absolutely not compromise on and unfortunately, this issue is my line.

And to further crap on this dung pile, the people I care about are going to be left to find work arounds and to suffer extra work load because of the staffing holes. How is that fair to them?? Now the hospital is going to overwork the people who stay taking a chance they don’t lose more people because of pure burn out. I know, eventually, staffing will work itself out but who knows how long that will take?

The whole situation makes me feel like that graphic at the top. AARGH.

My last day is September 29th. I have eight days to go. I have a full week with my team this week and then three days after that to get through. I’m not looking forward to this – AT ALL. I’ve already cried more these past few months than I have in my entire life and I HATE. TO. CRY. I’m not looking forward to working with my team because it will be sad and weird and it kills me that it has to end this way. I will try my best not to be a Debbie Downer but this sucks – balls.

I know Kevin has been worried about me. I have STRUGGLED these past months. Torn between what I should do and not knowing when it would happen. In some ways, I’m relieved that a decision has been made and I’m moving forward. Being stagnant and not knowing what is going to happen DRIVES ME CRAZY. I’m a doer. I don’t like to stand around and talk a situation to death, I want to know what the plan is and then go with it. The end result is not anywhere near what I wanted to happen but it’s out of my control and the decision has been made.

It’s time to move on.

I walked around on Friday and told people personally that I was leaving. I just felt like an email was so impersonal and I care about my work family so I felt like I owed them that. I also made it painfully clear that I do not want any sort of going away party or any big hoopla because this is not a celebration. My leaving is not a happy event, for anyone, and I have no interest in celebrating anything at this point in time.

Did I mention I’m BITTER?

I have spent some time today being quiet and licking my wounds. I’m processing the avalanche of emotions I’m feeling right now and I’m allowing myself to feel sorry for myself – for a bit. Once that is over and I snap out of my self-imposed fugue, then I will get serious about making a resume and applying for jobs.

I see quite a few editing jobs out there that are interesting and I may apply for those. Banking is also a possibility as I did that back in the days that people actually went to banks to do their business and I really enjoyed it. Who knows which lucky employer will be stuck with me for the next ten years. *snort*

Speaking of ten years, my ten-year anniversary with the hospital is tomorrow. Happy anniversary to me!

*sigh* It’s a good thing I wear water-proof mascara because I will be putting it to the test this week.